So I’m not much for carrying on about work to people in print or by spoken word.
I prefer to make my feelings known through the medium of claymation when it comes to work and home problems. Of course you all remember my memorable exhibition titled A Puppet’s Reverie On TIme And Attendence.
But I return from work a short time ago after a few hours of paperwork and supply shopping in advance of my having off most of the rest of the week other than an overnight Monday and a few hours Thursday afternoon. THis is to compensate me for the bucket of hours I’ve been doing without the solace of overtime the past 2 work weeks. These hours happened due to out anual hell week at work when everyone who lives in the facility I manage takes off from work and does vacation. I won’t go too into details but trust me it’s an unfair week and I’ve done tings very few people much less managers would do.
But do I get the promised relief that kept me going? No. Does anyone show any frakking appreciation for working multiple double shifts including being on my own on a trip to Brooklyn Friday? Uh uh. Do I get any love for handling an impossible scheduling nightmare for the week down 3 staff? Course not. How about a nod to the fact that my ideas for the way such a week should work were ignored yet another year and still I was the one having to deal with the untenability of the situation others created?
Fuck no.
Instead I go in today and find a memo to all staff that the other manager wrote. Probably in cahoots with our IRA Coordinator. It said that he will be doing all scheduling now and that all requests for time off, adjustments etc will go through him.
Now understand that I’ve been doing most of this for the better part of 2 years without issue. All these type schedule related issues are handled by both of us but I’ve been doing more and more of it. Without a problem. People have noted how good of a job we do in staving off OT and not leaving staff in rough scheduling binds as many managers do.
So one week where I had to wait and send in schedule to the agency’s scheduling coordinator late happens and I walk into this after spending 19 hours starting Friday morning at 7 driving to and in and driving back from Coney Island.
19 fucking hours!
And yet the night before, on a day I was supposed to be resting after two previous double shifts while everyone went to the Bronx Zoo, I was expected to be there to babysit and clean up when some guys were brought back early.
But I wasn’t there.
Now bear in mind that trip was my idea. THis was the glamour trip on which some administrative people tagged along and the one I had been looking forward to the most. But I had to remove myself because we needed my coverage in other places and the way everything had been put together by Jarmar, the other manager, it was my only opportunity for a breather. So I bowed out and let everyone including your fancy ass Social Worker, NUrsing head, and team Psychologists enjoy the day.
So these latter people bring a few guys back early because they didn’t want to deal with working past 6 or 7 and expected me to be there waiting. Now why would I sit there doing an evening shift with no one there? Yet I did go in at 1 anyway to tidy up receipts and finalize some Brooklyn tickets stuff. Then of course things piled up and I end up there for 5 plus hours attending to other things there and at one of their programs because no one else would. Then I go home to try and get some rest knowing I have to back at 7 for big solo staffed day Friday.
And yet these fuckers expected me to hang out and babysit. I get the call just as I’m falling asleep for a pre dinner nap and am pushed into going over until 11 when everyone else returned and nightshift came in almost simultaneously. So the nursing head, psyche, and social worker can get home in time to catch Office repeats or whatever. And get rested for their Fridays. So I get no nap. No dinner. One of many days I had to eat crap at work because I don’t have the time or money to eat normally. So that’s taking a toll on my health as I feel like crap and I’ve had no more than 4 or so hours sleep in any night for about a week and I do mother fucking yeoman’s duty with this thing Friday.
Yet because they were inconvienenced and because Jarmar, the other manager neglected to tell me they were bringing anyone back early, I get embarrassed by a fucking memo? I get scapegoated because of others bad ideas and intransigence when it comes to looking at other ways to handle the situation. People are going to think I was neglectful and untrustworthy on the admin level and people in our program are all signing this memo that seems a clear shot at me.
I actually almost passed out at the wheel Friday, spent over an hour lost in Brooklyn and on the way back had some kind of eye attack in rushing Manhattan-GW bound traffic up the West Side and Henry HUdson. Couldn’t keep my eyes open. Felt like hot needles were being stuck in them and there was nowhere to pull over and I’m in the middle lane with no letup to my sides. So my eyes are blinking like mad and tears start streaming down my face and I’m thinking “it’s fucking friday and that’s one of my days off so I’m not even supposed to be here today,” yet I’m in the midst of 19 straight hours and about to get us killed in the City or at best stranded with a wrecked vehicle and it’s after 11 and I still have 2 hours of driving ahead even if I get out of this.
WHich i did. And I go in there today to find this fucking memo which I’m sure was a response to those aforementioned fancy asses whining about no staff there Thursday when they got back from the zoo and possibly me sending schedule in late for the first time ever. All of which I gave heads up on but no one listened or bothered to take a closer look at.
And yet it still would have worked down 3 staff and with all the doubles and no OT allowed. It mostly did work. THanks to me mostly and among other things my flexibility and willingness to take on Friday alone and for that long under some seriously crappy stress and lack of sleep.
And I get fucking slighted like this?
So what to do now?
I want to quit. Can’t do that. Could resign my position and demote myself. Definite possiblity right now. Between this and my screwed up home life I am way too stressed and unhappy and I know things on the latter front can only get worse. I’ve got no respite anywhere, no place to escape or get some sense of rejuvenation or counter balancing softness amidst all the hardness. So why kill myself at work? I think I may have to finally put an end to this current run because it’s too much alone and I can’t get rid of the non work stuff.
I’m still reluctant to go back to working the old shifts though. THey’re limiting and I like the flexibility of my schedule. Ironically it’s a schedule that would have made my life a lot better a couple of years ago and further back. Now though the sweeter things in life seem mainly moved on and having reasonable hours that allow for more time for those things seems a cruel twist only slightly less predictable and badly conceived than the endings M Knight Shamalan’s last few movies.
But you know, I don’t want to swallow what’s left of my pride. I deserve better than shit. I work my frakking ass off and do so without a shred of asssistance in any area of my life.
But a demotion, even a self imposed one, would also be a swallowing of pride as well. And most of the time we get along well at work and things are ok. But if feels like time for change is coming. Want to go forward and there only seems to be movement available backwards.
So that’s my public whine. I drink it down and swill it around in my mouth. Now I spit it out into yours and don’t even care that it’s dead air out there and nothing else. Everyone knows a fine whine can still be enjoyed alone without being a lush.
Recent Comments