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COAMF IV: Mets Survive Game 1 Of NLDS. So Do I.

Well we got game 1. Barely. 6-5 Mets after the vaunted bullpen blew a 3 run lead in the 7th and Wagner came damn close to blowing a 2 run lead in the 9th.

I vacillated between calm acceptance and shaky intensity watching this thing. There was no wall climbing, crawling on the floor, or pacing, as has been customary in the past during these things. I was watching it on DVR and did have to pause a few times to gather my thoughts and put things in their proper perspective.

It was a wild game and one the Mets arguably should have lost.

The play everyone is showing over and over is the double play at home plate. The Dodgers rookie catcher, I forget his name, all you need to know is that he’s as repulsively ugly as you’d expect an L.A. Dodger to be, hit one off the wall in the 2nd with 2 on. The evil Jeff Kent, also an ugly, ugly man, hesitated because he apparently thought the ball was going to be caught, then tried to make up for it but was thrown out head first at home. And for some reason the runner behind him, I forget who it was but he was as monstrously ugly as the guy who hit the ball but not quite as ugly as Kent, wasn’t held up by the 3rd base coach and was tagged out by LoDuca after Maine and the Mets bullpen yelled at him that the guy was coming down the line.

It was a stupid play by the Dodgers and the Mets were damn lucky since they won by 1. The MEts mediocre pitcher of the day was lucky not to be down 3 or 4 after the inning. As it was we were down 1 and the handsome Carlos Delgado tied thiings with a wooly mammoth to deep center. Then the beauteous Cliff Floyd quickly followed with a monster shot giving the Mets the lead.

The mediocre Maine gave us just 4.1 innings but it was enough today.

It won’t be in the future. You can’t overtax the bullpen this much. Willie used 3 pitchers in the 5th. It worked then. The Dodgers didn’t score more runs when we mixed and matched. BUt we payed a price when Mota had to go 2 and blew a 3 run lead partially due to Valentine’s boneheaded fielding play in that 2nd inning. It will cost them more down the road. Perhaps as soon as Game 2. It’s why good starting pitching is crucial.

At this point the question is when the Mets will pay the price, not if. Can they get a series or 2 before this staff blows up? Or is a game or 2 all they have in them? It would probably be unprecedented if they won a championship having to play with this kind of staff and strategy. But both Mets championships in the past had rather unprecedented circumstances about them.

But it’s about pitching stupid.

Glavine needs to come up big tongiht in Game 2. The Dodgers are making a risky move throwing the rookie Kuo. He hasn’t been anything special but he’s a lefty and he shut the Mets down back in August. The Mets have been horrid against lefties since. But if I were Grady I’d hold him for game 3 in L.A. and go with the vet Maddux on the road. If Glavine can keep the Dodgers from jumping on top and silencing the crowd somewhat Kuo will be facing a kind of intensity and hostility he’s never faced before.

Glavine is iffy though and the Mets lefty issue is big. At this point they might not be able to hit Ned Flanders.

But I’d have saved him for LA and let the old Braves Maddux and Glavine face each other.

On the other side I think Willie is making a mistake not pitching the merchant of mediocrity Steve Trachsel at Shea in game 2. He’s much more comfortable at home and not likely to come up big on the road even if it is amongst the walking dead known as Dodgers fans.

Game 4 would have the head case Oliver Perez, picked up off the Pittsburgh trash heap as a long term project, pitching with our season on the line if Glavine doesn’t get it done. That’s some scary stuff and something that never should have happened.

But we needed game 1 and survived it more than won it. So there’s a chance now if not a great one. The other factor is that the Dodgers are, like everyone in the NL, not all that good. And ugly. Ugly to the core of their non-Mets essences.

It was a bumpy road that left me with the usual drainage factor. Wagner gets alot of positive pub lately but the guy is always on the edge of disaster and has never proved he’s clutch. He made it out of the 9th but can’t keep putting himslef in these spots. If we were up by 1 instead of 2 in that 9th we’d still be playing. I still sense ugliness in that one.

Never can be easy with these guys. Why the frack is that? Why must we suffer for the sins of others?

But we wont get swept and we got 1 of the 3 needed to at least avoid the ignominy of an opening round elimination in a season where we finished double digits ahead of the entire NL. It’s still precarious and tonight is just as big. Hopefully Delgado keeps it up, he was 4 for 5. If we were to win I figured he would be the MVP guy and not Beltran, Reyes, or Wright. So far so good there. But he’s not going to give us that every night. Certainly not tonight vs the lefty. Somebody has to pick it up. Reyes needs to stop swinging at everything. Valentine can not make another error. And Glavine must be gold.

That’s alot to expect.

The nervewracking continues Thursday at 8.

Confessions Of A Mets Fan III

The most important event in the history of the Western world begins this week. That’s right the playoffs start Tuesday. Mets Game 1 is Wednesday at 4 vs the L.A. Dodgers at Shea. Orlando Hernandez takes the mound against Derrik Lowe. El Duque is like 58 years old. I may be too after watching this series.

Well the plus side about the Mets pitching woes (all predicted by me I might add), is that combined with late season offensive issues, the Mets are no longer a prohibitive favorite to get to the World Series. Alot of prognosticaotrs are calling for the early exit I predicted ages ago. After a season of being the NL’s team de rigeour we’re suddenly persona non grata. The media thinks we’re through.

I likey.

Now that everyone seees I was right and have jumped into my nonconformist viewpoint I as usual feel claustrophobic with all of them and want to jump off. And now they’re trashing my team. I can do it. These clods don’t know squat and wish they could spend an evening cleaning David Wright’s crotch pube by pube after a 16 inning game.

I’m more comfortable in the underdog role anyway. We’re not exactly climbing a mountain here if we win a couple of series against these teams. It’s not a huge obstacle the Mets have to overcome here. But more and more people have come around to believing they’re not made for the playoffs. Combine this with the fact that they are still basically as good as any NL team and I feel a nice sense of fatalistic acceptance combined with the underdogs relish that comes without having to face the quality teams underdogs usually have to overcome.

So in a strange way I’m optimistically pessimistic.

I thought in August the Dodgers or Marlins would go to the Series. The Marlins aren’t in. Nor are the Phils who I thought would be dangerous if they got in. But the Dodgers are. And they’re experienced. They have the evil Jeff Kent, Maddux, Lowe, Lofton, and Garciaparra. A solid lineup, a lefty the Mets can’t touch, and a scary Met staff do have to lead me to believe L.A. wins in say, 4 games.

Meanwhile the Padres and Mike Piazza play the reeling Cardinals. That Dodger pick looks good right now.

But they’re not anything all that special and their bullpen isn’t as good as ours. So there’s more than a bit of hope. Even without Pedro and much of a starting staff the Mets still would beat any of these teams over a longer span. But this is best of 5 in the first round and I’m not sure how some of our inexpereinced guys like Reyes and Wright will handle a playoff atmosphere for the first time.

The Mets haven’t had to play big games much this year and may not be able to rise to the challenge of a team playing big games to get in right down to the last weekend.

But man I’d hate losing to the Dodgers. They beat us in 88. That was the last time the Mets won the East. I don’t like California teams in general. And the evil Jeff Kent is there. Ex Met with an attitude. Watching this guy smirk and carry on at our expense will be hard to take. If the Mets face an elimination game I may not even watch. It’s too much. The agitation and neurosis are growing. I’m afraid. Very afraid.

I mentioned in previous post that I had no choice in becoming a Mets fan. And being one does something to you. It alters the way you look at the world. I should have been a Yankees fan. I was born in the Bronx. Lived on its borders in Yonkers most of my formative years and in my late teeens and 20′s was back in the Bronx. My dad, being somewhat new to America as an Italian emigrant, naturally found more interest in the 70′s doings of the Yankees and took me to many of their games. They were all over the papers. It was the Bronx Zoo. Billy, Reggie, Thurman, Sparky, The Goose. It was a soap opera and a good team that won back to back championships in 77 and 78.

And I liked them.

I confess that sin.

It was the only thing my dad and I have ever had a remote bonding over. I loved Graig Nettles in particular. His defense at 3rd and occasional homeruns were my favorite part of the team along with Ron Guidry’s pitching. The day Munson died in August 79 is still one of the most memorable of my life. It was huge on my block. We mourned. I cried right along with his arch enemy Reggie Jackson.

But through it all I never loved them and was leading a secret forbidden love with the NY Mets. I snuck off to see them with friends and their dads. When my uncle and his new wife were practicing for having a kid and wanted to take me to a game, I made them exchange Yankee tickets for a Mets game. This couldn’t have made them too happy. There was nothing to see at Shea. The team had been horrible, was horrible, and still had many horrible years inevitably in front of them. I brought shame upon them by having them take me to see this. I brought shame upon the whole family. You had all the aforementioned great Yankee characters across town and I made them take me to see Bruce Boisclair, Doug Flynn, Skip Lockwood, Bud Harrelson, Wayne Garret, and John Milner.

They never offered to take me to another game.

I dug Nettles alot but I loved John Stearns. He was the Mets catcher much of that era. His nickname was The Dude. That’s right. Though my inspiration remains more Jeff Lebowski than Stearns, the ex Met is always lurking in my mind when use or read that term. It’s an extra special little reference just for myself.

The Mets were just more relatable to me. I appreciated the Yankees lore but felt more kinship for the bumbling underdog Mets thing. So even now it’s there and after weeks of foreboding I only feel a sense of drama and cause in these playoffs because suddenly we’re not everyone’s favorite anymore. I’m uncomfortable with me or my teams being liked or appreciated too much. And I get pissed when we’re not. They and I can’t win under any circumstances. This is probably not the healthiest emotional framework within which to live a happy life but it’s one Yankees fans don’t seem to suffer from as universally as Mets fans. And it’s one that I think does have its attendant good qualities. Not the least of which is loyalty, devotion, and true love for the things and people who stay true.

Now all kinds of people are fans of all kinds of teams. I know alot of yanks fans I like alot. But your team choice does sometimes say something about you and there is something about the inherent unfairness the Yankees have always won with and their corporate identity that it takes a certain kind of person to ignore and still root for.

And Mets fans are more loyal, smarter, and better looking.

Clinical double blind studies have proven this.

Or will someday I’m sure.

But I do think we’re more loyal and have a certain sensibility that’s largely more likable, warm, and grounded. I sensed that as a young kid. While everything around me seemed to pull naturally at falling for the Yankees I couldn’t muster the natural organic passion and connection to them that I felt for the ignored losers with the colorful blue and orange uniforms dodging planes in Queens. Even with no media attention in that era, with nothing to recommend interest, is just seemed natural to like them. It was too fashionable to be a Yakees fan. It didn’t speak of anything unique in ones character.

Like with my Giants choice it was important to me to be in on theg round floor and not be perceived as jumping on a bandwagon. This was despite becoming a devoted Mets fan long before I was capable of the kind of rational thinking that could consciously express this ideal. It just seemed to be innate. It’s always felt like I had a Met gene somewhere in my DNA. Part of me thinks I’d be a Mets fan even if I’d grown up in Arizona. They were the Mutt that found me and I was drawn to rather than the pedigreed showdog the family shops for. A first love, mans best friend, and a biological imperative all at once.

And I’ve payed the price ever since.

Wednesday I start paying on a whole other level again. So begins the contortions, gesticulations, wall climbing, lip biting, hand wringing, pacing, and general agitation that characterize Mets baseball in October. I’m a hardened shell of who I was the last time we were there 6 years ago. Even then I was oddly disattached from the Subway Series. But I will suffer in the coming days. Many of us will. We may not all know each other but we will be bound as long lost brothers and sisters.

As for the Yanks and an AL prediction, they play the collapsing Tigers tonight. They slipped to WC status with a late season choke. The Yanks will destroy and annhilate them in all probability. This is unfortunate. The yanks may not be able to be stopped. Oakland plays Minnesota in the other AL series.

I lean towards the Twinkies and the Metrodome edge.

Got to figure on Yanks vs Twins in ALCS. If Minny had Liriano healthy I’d go with them. Right now it doesn’t appear anyone has the pitching to stop the Yanks $200 million lineup. So an old fashioned Dodgers Yanks Series seems a good possiblity. Just like 77-78, and 81. I hope not because unlike then I can’t muster any affection for the pinstripes. They’ve become a symbol of all that is wrong with the game the past few years, In the late 90′s I respected them. Rooted them on vs Atlanta in 96′s big 0-2 comeback. Good guys like Brosius, O’Neill, Cone, and Martinez were there. Class acts that weren’t all on mercenery missions. Starting with the Texan whore Clemens the Yankees started to sell their souls as the probable cheater Clemens sold his to get easy access to the World Series he couldn’t win anywhere else.

Now they’re a bunch of mercenaries, many of whom are or were steroid users. The newest whore de juer is Johny Damon who sold his soul and cut his hair and beard in order to suckle at the evil teet of General von Steingrabber.

I said after they beat us in 2000 they wouldn’t win another for a long time. I said they’d lose to Arizona in 01 and Florida in 03. I called the famed Boston choke once the Sox got taht first win. I don’t know if 6 years qualifies as a long enough time if they do win. I’d still like to think it’d be a decade or more no matter how much money they spent. Teams of all stars don’t win championships and they are of course holding the curse of payrod in their deck. So I think they are more than capable of losing. They’re just on such a role and score so many runs. Pitching wins but no one has a great staff. Usually the best one wins though and Minny and Oakland may still rank higher there, as does Detroit. Hopefully that rule holds out and the Yanks get upset here.

Let the nervewracking begin.

Confessions Of A Mets Fan II

[image:195:l] It’s official. We’re playing in October for the first time since the Subway Series of 2000. Let my stressing begin.

Mets finally got it done Monday night after getting swept in Pittsburgh against 3 lefty starters. Mets can’t touch lefites. This is not a good sign. But we’re in and that’s a good thing. But it’s a stressful thing as part 1 of this posting title described. Watching the Mets in October is like watching a cat trying to cross a highway from the side of the road where your defenseless to do anything but watch, cringe, moan, shout, contort, gesticulate, and turn away. And yet this is what we Mets fans want.

One might say we want it too much after watching the celebrations Monday night. Some stuff about it was great. Really indicative of what being a Mets fan, and a NY Baseball fan is all about. The elecricity at Shea was unrivaled. In October it will be better as long as enough real fans are able to get tickets. It was even great when 40,000 + sang Sweet Caroline together chanting something in those 3 beat intervals after Neil Diamond sings the title words or “I’d be inclined.” Fortunately they weren’t throwing in the kinds of filler in that non-lyrical interval of the song myself, and I’m sure many others, including our own Angray Bob have been known to do.

Horrible things.

Things of great wrongness.

But it gave me chills. Always does when we get this kind of stuff going on around the Mets. Boston and the Bronx are in the same league as far as generating this kind of atmosphere. But if their equal, and that’s debatable, no one does it better. [image:196:l]

But there is a problem.

Afterwards the team took it too far. They overreacted to a mere division title. Champagne and laps around the stadium are the kinds of celebrations you want for the World Series. It doesn’t feel appropriate to do that for winning a lousy division, one of 6 divisions, especially when you also have a wildcard in each league. Just think the team we officially eliminated from divisional contention with the clincher, the Phillies, have a good shot at making the playoffs as a wildcard. This means that after finishing 12-15 games in front of them they might still get in and suffer no disadvantage for their season long inferiority that 1 less home game in each series.

When we went to the Series in 2000 we did so as a wildcard. The braves won the division then. They didn’t celebrate excessively because they’d been there. Done that. The Marlins have won 2 World Series titles in the past decade. Both years the Braves won the division. Just like the Mets did. Florida finsihed 2nd to them. So much for winning the NL East. 1st or 2nd? Not that big anymore. Nice, worthy of a modicum of celebration yes. But not laps and cigars worthy.

Back in 86 and 88 when we last won the East it meant a bit more. There were no wildcards and only 4 divisions in Baseball. If you won the division it meant alot more and you were 1 step away from the World Series. Now you’re still 2 steps away and a 2nd place team has every right to cellebrate as much as you.

As I watched the post game goings on I thought to myself, “self, tomorrow Yankees and Braves fans, not to mention some national media, are going to be all over us for carrying on like we just won the World Series.”

And they did.

And I don’t blame them. They’re right.

You have to act like you’ve been there and like you expect to be there again. The Yankees are going to clinch the AL East in the next day or two. They’ll enjoy it. They’ll celebrate. But they wont go crazy with champagne and cigars. I’m not even sure they’ll have the divisional champ T-shirts the Mets had ready to break out. [image:194:l]

Who cares about a divisional T-shirt. Or cap. That’s not going to wear very long if you go down in best of 5 1st round sereis.

But it was the first time for alot of our guys and I can forgive a little exuberance. But that part of me that believes in the Baseball Gods shudders at the retribution they may cast upon us starting in less than 2 weeks when the playoffs commence. I fear it could be our last celebration for a long time.

But I cried when they clinched. Though it was an excessive celebration and even unseemly in its 21st century Baseball ettiquette and it doesn’t mean what it used to, I cried.

I’m a Mets fan. I love the team. It changes your DNA to be one of us. Or maybe it was in the DNA before and we were drawn to them despite the pain we knew we’d feel. I mentioned in recent Giants post that I chose them while the Mets sort of chose me. I’ll get more into that in part 3 of these diaries which will come right before Game 1 against whoever we’re going to play either Oct 3rd or 4th. But it runs deep. And so does the pain. Oh the inevitable pain. The inevitable 14 inning monster of a game with backs and forths. The 1 that gets away from us. the one that looked lost and causes weeks to come off our lives.

So it begins.

A Giant Game And How I Became Blue

[image:192:l] Football season is here. Not many sports fans around here but it’s not stopping my Confessions Of A Mets fan posts, and I’m not letting it stop me making picks and talking about my Giants.

Ok this puppy tomorrow-tonight at the Meadowlands has been built up quite a bit for a while. Giants vs Colts, and mainly Manning vs Manning. Eli vs Peyton. Little bro tries to get out of shadow of big brother.

I’m a Giants fan for those who care and don’t know. The madness and nuerosis this instills is nowhere near the kind instilled by the Mets. I’ve loved Football since I was a kid, been a fan of Big Blue since late 70′s. But Baseball and the Mets exist on a different level for me. It’s sort of like your first love compared to all the rest. Or a lost mutt of a puppy that follows you around and you can’t resist because you relate to him as opposed to a pedigreed dog you pick at with your family touring breeders kennels.

You see I chose the Giants, while the Mets sort of chose me. I’ll get more into the Mets part of that in a October Confessions post. As for the Giants they weren’t my first favorite Football team. The Rams were. Mainly because of a t.v. movie called Something For Joey about the real life story of Penn State RB John Capelletti who went on to play for the Rams after winning the Heisman for his dying little brother. I was a kid and it made me cry. I brought into all the cheesy drama and heartstring tugging that I now consider myself either too jaded or too sophisticated to be moved by. I mean it wasn’t even Brian’s Song quality. But it wasn’t that far off too and B’s Song made a whole generation of sports fans around my age cry.

I dressed as Rams DE Jack Youngblood for Halloween one year. Had a helmet and the #85 jersey. I think it was 85.

But somewhere around 1980 I came to the conclusion that being a fan of a team 3000 miles away in the days before cable and satellite, was not very practical. I was a Mets fan and a Rangers fan so I really felt I had to choose one of the local teams to be my favorite. It is a testimony to my lifelong tendency to overthink things and for calm deliberation, that even at the age of 12 or 13, I consciously set out to make a practical and informed decision about who I would root for for the rest of my life when it came to Football.

The Giants and Jets both stunk but the Giants stunk a bit more. That was a factor. I hated front runners even then. I saw those kids who switched allegiances with the prevailing wind and I was disgusted. I considered myself better and wanted no doubt that who was more likely to win was not a factor. Just the fact that I was switching from a Ram team coming off a Super Bowl appearance against my 2nd favorite team then, the Steelers, to take on either lowly N.Y. team was a badge. But the Jets seemed more hopeful at the time and so I leaned towards the Giants.

The G Men had recently come off the humiliation of the famed Pisarcik fumble against the Eagles. They were a national joke. A local embarrassment.

There would be no confusing my motivations.

And then there was my somewhat anal love of low scoring games. In Baseball I always dug the pitching duels. An 8-7 ball game makes me uncomfortable. All that running around. Crooked numbers all over the scoreboard. Unseemly really. The lack of control is too much. Both from the pitchers and for myself. I feel I have some control over a 2-1 pitchers duel. I like every hit to matter. I want to care about every pitch because it could decide the game. One of the reasons I never liked Basketball much was all the scoring. A defensive game in the NBA is 90-87. That’s 177 points people! That’s alot of meaningless scoring. It’s out of control! And that’s a low scoring game. It only adds to the national superficiality and need for instant gratification.
I like low scoring because it’s not that gratifying that often. So when it is I really feel it.

This philosophy is perhaps responsible for much joyless misery in my life.

But I digress.

Even when they were as bad as they were back then the Giants had a reputation for playing decent defense. The Big Blue Wrecking Crew label existed even then. I liked that. I felt I could grow within that mentality. Ball control and smash mouth defense. There’s alot of control in that kind of philosophy of football and that was always the Giants motus operandi.

I might only get to cheer for my offense once, twice a game.

Beautiful!

And finally there were the uniforms. I loved those Rams uni’s. They made the jump from bad t.v. drama to the NFL an easy one. Neither the Giants or Jets had great uni’s but when it came down to basic color patterns, blue vs green, there was really no choice left to make.

Since then I’ve come to love green. But most of my life blue was my favorite color after an early youth dalliance with purple. And even now as my appreciation for all that green represents-youth, nature, verdancy-innocence etc- has grown, I remain unconvinced that it is an appropriate base color for a sports uniform.

So the Giants it was.

Over the years the bond has grown and they truly became my emotional favorite despite that intellectual/anal retentative beginning. I’ve enjoyed 2 Super Bowl Championships and 1 other trip there. They’ve been up and down. The good years certainly were true to the ball control smash mouth mentality I’d hoped to find a warm and cozy home within.

Now the G Men are a bit different. More flashy than in the past. defense not dominant but it has its moments. Last year we won the NFC East and got blown out in round 1 as I predicted. I thought the team was overrated. This year there’s mixed opinion about them nationally. Locally its very optimistic. I’m not sure where they are getting it from. There’s talk about dominating defense where I see a still weak though overhauled secondary and an iffy linebacking crew besides Antonio Pierce in the middle. Our Ends are good but Strahan is up there in years and Osi could be a bit of a fluke. The new kid Kiawanuka looks sweet but it was just exhibition games.

And the offense, ah well here’s where the hype comes in. Peyton Manning is one of the best ever. Our boy Eli has not been anywhere in his class. Elil has, through 2 years, been rather mediocre. Draft day 04 I didn’t want to make the trade to move up and get him. I wanted to save the picks and take Ben Rothlesberger who just went on to QB the Steelers to a championship. The year before I wanted Phil’s boy Chris Simms. He had a break out year in Tampa Bay last season. I was a Phil Simms guy since before it became fashionable to be after 86. I was there for him when he was booed regularly and people wanted to start guys like, well, like guys whose names I can’t even remember anymore.

Oh yeah, guys like Scott fracking Brunner.

I loved Phil. He’s become a great announcer too. I’ve long held a strong belief that anything that issued from his loins could only be a goodness unto the world.

So I wanted Chris to keep the tradition here. Especially since he grew up in Jersey and my little cousin met him in high school.

But we got the much ballyhooed Eli.

And I like Eli. I really do. He’s sly wit and a guy with a personality I can relate too. He’s not too up not too down. He makes fun of his brothers penchant for overreacting when receivers drop balls or after touchdowns. In a very long and good N.Y. Times article on him over a year ago I really got sold on him. Just a smart dude. I remember one part where he talked about Peyton and other players running down the field wagging their index fingers “number 1, number 1.” Eli said something along the lines of, “Hey its not like they just found the cure for cancer.”

He’s a good QB too. I’m just not sure he’ll ever be great or worthy of this buildup for this Sunday Night Football debut on NBC. [image:193:l]

I hope Eli gets it done. I really like him. I even like his brother. Peyton’s got a great personality. He’s really genuinely funny in all those commercials he does. Lately Eli’s teamed with him on some cute ones like the one I just saw on ESPN where they’re touring the ESPN facilities with their parents and trailing behind while giving each other wet willies, kicks in the arse, etc, as Archie scolds them to behave.

But I worry this game will expose him and become a symbol of a Giant mistake in that draft. I worry Eli will lose the love and confidence of those around him which I suspect has wavered since his decline over the last few weeks and the playoff game of last season. I worry he’ll not only pale in comparison to Peyton, which is almost definite, but that he’ll do so to many others as well and that fans will start to boo the guy. I’d hate to see a guy like him become embroiled in a QB controversy in N.Y. He wasn’t necessarily my choice, but I like the guy and want him to succeed.

I don’t like his receivers. I think Burress and Shockey are overrated prima donnas and dirtbags not fit to be hung out to dry by an errant Eli throw. Tiki’s gold. Gold Jerry gold! But i grudgingly root for our #1 receiver and tight end.

But I think the Giants are looking at a rough season despite alot of hype and picks to the contrary. And though not one person has even come close to suggesting it, probably not even thinking it, I can see Eli getting booed and fans calling for the backup Lorenzen, known as the Hefty Lefty. He’s basically an out of nowhere guy with limited talent, but he’s kind of overweight and lefty. And he knocks guys down and looked ok in preseason after barely getting a # 3 QB job last year.

So he’s kind of likable in that weird eccentric blue collar way New Yorkers love.

I hope it doesn’t come to that. No one thinks it will. I am the first person to suggest it might happen soon. I am quite sure of this.

And I think the Colts win tomorrow-tonight. Big. Just throwing out a score to indicate the type of game were looking at I’ll say 44-10 Indy. On our turf.

Ugly.

But I’m looking forward to the game and hopefully being proven to be worrying too much.

We’re Big Blue and we can’t let them midwestern dome dwellers come into our building and run roughshod all over us. Giants tradition, despite that playoff loss in January, will hopefully not allow such an outcome.

As for the season here’s some other picks:

Leaning towards Dallas as NFC rep in Super Bowl. Hopefully having that dirtbag Owens will cause more and more problems and that Judas Iscariot-Benedict Arnold-Annakin Skywalker-level traitorous bastard Parcells will continue to never win a Super Bowl since leaving the Giants.

But Owens may be containable for a year even though there are already problems. They’re facing my pet Jaguars in Jacksonville week 1. They’re my pets because they can’t score and they play real good defense. Very comfortable with that.

And if I ever move to Florida, as unlikely as that is, I have to adopt a local team as my 1A team to the Giants and I can’t like the Dolphins. Tampa is possible with Chris Simms but they’re in the Giants conference.

But though the NFC East is billed as best in league I think it’s a bit overrated and believe the South may be better. Carolina, Tampa, Atlanta, and New Orleans is a whole lot of football. ALways like the Saints as a pet team and after all that happened to them after Katrina how can you not hope all goes well. That horror season did get them Reggie Bush. If he’s as big as forecast and Drew Brees imports that San Diego magic he had going, that makes them interesting even though they figure 4th best in the division.

If not Dallas I think Super Bowl team comes out of there even though Seattle in West is defending champ. Carolina and Tampa Bay most probably though Atlanta is always dangerous with Vick.

Afc is still better conference though the gap may narrow. Leading contenders there are considered New England, Denver, Pittsburgh and Cincinnatti. I’d throw in Baltimore who could relegate defending champ Steelers to 3rd place. They finally have a QB in McNair and though the Steelers already are 1-0 after Thursday night opener over Miami, and without Big Ben, I got to think the magic carpet ride they had last year gets a bit winded in 06.

Miami, even after that loss to Pitt, could also be back strong. Don’t see a Super Bowl with Culpepper, but I like Saban as coach and think they could dethrone Pats for division.

The Jets? Well let me say i like them. Though they lost the decision for my allegiance a quarter century or so ago, I’ve always rooted for them to do well and can enjoy a Jet game. But they could be real ugly this year. No offense at all. Nothing. Nada. Even Curtis Martin appears done. They could set a record for shutouts. If they’re anywhere near 500 than Mangini really was a great choice for coach and perhaps will be in the class of his mentor Bill Belichek.

Super Bowl?

Panthers-Bengals.

Or Cowboys

OR Buccanneers.

Against Bengals.

I feel most secure about that. Bengals will win it all as long as Palmers knee holds up. He’s the best QB in NFL besides Peyton now.

Go Blue!

Confessions Of A Mets Fan

[image:191:l] Ok I’m going to say something unusual. In fact this is probably the first time I or perhaps any human has ever strung together these particular words in this particular order:

The Mets are so good it’s almost boring.

Maybe in 86 I or someone else might have made a related comment. But certainly it is the first time that sentence has been uttered in the past 2 decades.

They could go down quick in October as alot of offensive powerhouses without great pitching have over the years but these guys are still damn good. And no one in the NL has great pitching either so if we get lucky with Pedro and Glavine’s health, or get into the battle of the bullpens, we could be looking at the World Series. And if we do it’s looking like there’s a decent chance the Yankees will be there too.

I’m not picking this. Odds are still against both, much less the two of them making it through the ups and downs, the who’s hot and who’s not, the injury bugs, and the testimony to pitching, that are all part of October Baseball.

But the Mets are kick ass good this season.

There I said it.

And if they lose to the Yanks in the Series again this site will be officially abandoned by me and I will do everything in my power to destroy it and the internet as a whole.

You have my vow!

As some who know me can testify, October Baseball, when the Mets are involved, can be a very, very stressful time for me. They have a habit of playing gut wrenching endless games that wreak havoc on fans nervous systems. Part of me enjoys Metsless playoffs because I can enjoy the atmosphere without the personal stake and stress. And it’s cool watching the Braves always lose.

There are friends and coworkers who can tesitfy to the extremities of abnormality and frenzy I’ve gone through during such games. I don’t think our regulars here including Bob and Brandonicus have ever seen this, this, fanatic thing. I had just met Brandonicus around the time of that last Mets playoff appearence in 2000. Bob I’d known already but was more peripherally involved with those first couple of years. I’ve never actually watched a game with either.

Though i do remember that night in October 99 and though Bob probably doesn’t, he was there at the shattering end of a long night’s journey into the edge of a miracle that turned into the deepest cut.

It was the National League Championship Series. We got in as a wildcard, won our first round series and met archrival Atlanta in a best of seven to see who would play the Yanks in the Series. We went down 3 games to zip. It was over. No team had ever come back from that until Boston did it to the Yanks in 2004. But we won game 4. We won game 5 in extra innings and dramatic fashion. Game 6 started with Leiter putting us in a 5-0 hole.

But we battled back. Piazza hit a huge homer off Smoltz who came in out of the bullpen to try and stave off this miracle in the making and keep the Braves from having to face us in a pressurized game 7 that no team had ever had to face in their situation. We actually took the lead in extra innings. All this was on their field.

I had started watching the game at work. Staff at the place Brandonicus now manages watched me go through physical and mental contortions reminicent of the famed Astros NLCS game 6 in 86. It was a 16 inning wild one which we woon to move on. I was so exhausted by games end from the pacing, kneeling, jumping, stressing, climbing, and general contorting, that I think I slept 12 hours the next day.

In 99 it started at work. By the time I got off duty the game was in full force and I met my friend Josh at his place which he then shared with his brother. I was there when Benitez choked up that extra inning lead convincing me it was not meant to be even though the game was still tied.

Josh may have gotten glimpses as he prepared to get ready to meet Bob and others at the diner. He may have seen things which should not be seen. Heard things very few gay men have ever heard.

It was agony watching Benitez do what most Mets fans knew in our hearts he would.

So then Josh was ready. I toyed with staying, or making him stay. But I was so crushed i couldn’t stand to sit there and sacrifice more of my time for what would inevitably end in pain.

But I couldn’t help putting it on the car radio.

By the time we got the the diner Kenny Rogers had been brought in and Andrew Jones was up with the bases loaded. I sat there in my car listening while Josh, Bob and others congregated inside. I listened as Rogers went to 3 balls. I knew waht was coming. The coward of the county would hand Atlanta the series, our hearts, and even a bit of our souls.

But I listened, hoping against hope, as Rogers walked in the winning run.

I shut the radio off and walked the walk of the dead inside into the diner to join my friends. I vaguely remember someone, I think it was Bob, asking me who won. I don’t remember whetehr I gave details. I don’t think I cried or shouted. I may have cursed. But I know that no one at that table knew what I had been through, or could understand the bond of pain I felt with so many kindred Mets fans, so many of whom I wished I was together with back in the city in a perverse way much like I would wish 2 years later after 9-11.

Anyway it’s a wild ride.

And it’s starting again in a month.

Be it a short or long run, it begins soon.

So in an effort to take anyone concerned through the mind of a diehard Mets fan during playoff time I will be posting regular diaries before and after games throughout the Mets run be it 3 and out in the first series (which would at least provide early relief), or game 7 of the World Series (which may kill me). I’ll probably name them Confessions Of A Mets Fan as well. So consider this part 1.

I’m probably more practical about these things then i’ve been in the past. They haven’t played in October since 2000 and the Subway Series and Ive grown alot since then. Gotten more jaded and less effected by stuff. But a part of me will always retain certain qualities that will come out here and again. One of thos qualities is becoming a rabid, nuerotic mess during and around Mets playoff games.

I think it will be more tempered. I don’t expect championships with our pitching. But this is still a good team. And a special one. They have character and guys I like to root for. Just tonight Carlos Beltran saved the game in the 9th giving up his body to make a play smashing into the wall-fence in Houston. This was despite the Mets having a 15 game lead and Beltran suffering a bad collision last year. Still put it all out there for his team. That stuff breeds emotional connections for fans and teammates.

So I really want to see this team win. But I have perspective. And I remain a Mets fan in the blood.

We shall all see how this manifests in October.

Viva Italia!!

[image:159:l] The only sporting event the world really cares about is over and Italy’s the champ.

Ok I’m not a big Soccer fan. I’m an American and Baseball is as slow and subtly complex as I want from a sport. But my dad’s a huge fan. A Soccer hooligan from the old country. Italy to be exact. Naples to be more exact. He watches Soccer regularly even in the 4 years in between the World Cup. Of course he is into the whole thing like a kajillion other people across the globe and that’s mainly why I was watching bits of the tournament and rooting for Italy. I was actually on the edge of my seat, and off it, during today’s final. I had it on at work and was very excited to see Italy pull it out.

Some of this is ingrained since I did grow up watching some Soccer and going to Cosmos games in the NASL days at Giants Stadium. Even got to see Pele play a couple of times and make a bicycle kick goal. The energy was great and the game a bit more wide open here. And of course I’m half Italian too. But mainly I was glad for my dad because it’s one of the few pleasures he has and with emphysema he may not be around for many, or any more of these. I certainly hope he is, but even so it may be unlikley that Italy will get that close again. So since its been since 82 that they last won I was glad he’d get at least one more chance to see them get the big prize that drives all the world so nutty outside of the U.S.

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Even here its big, but mainly through immigrants like my father. There are countries that shut down their electricity for this thing just so they’d have enough to turn on when the game was on. It’s insane really, more so than our sports insainity which is quite insane. And it all means so little. But the way I look at it the drive to compete, to dominate and conquer is innate so why not direct it in something as innocuous as a game rather than warring with another nation or getting all heirarchical at work.

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When you think about how absolutley global this Soccer thing is, how completely it dominates cultures and is a mandated social discourse, though i understand why it’s not so big here, I’m not sure why the rest of the world hasn’t focused this passion and united under their Soccer-rioting impulse and destroy us. Death by layered defense! THink of the damage they could do just with their heads.

Certainly we’d be well served to try and understand the European mentality more by understanding the game and their passion for it. There’s a book out there now about Soccer saving the world. All kinds of tomes have been written about the game. It’s poetic majesty is to them what Baseball’s is to the U.S.

Knowing how big this thing is I hope this Zadon guy doesn’t get persecuted in France. He’s one of the worlds best and today was his final game. But inexplicably he torpedoed an Italian in the chest with his head for no apparent reason and got red carded and thrown out of the game leaving his team short handed in O.T. That may have cost them in the shoot out round when he wasn’t there and they lost by 1 as Italy made all 5 of their shots. It was really an ignominious way for a guy of his stature to go out. To have a career that long and great and to be remembered like that. To do something that stupid at its end and biggest point. It just makes you wonder whether you ever really know a person or how they will react to certain circumstances.

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Will he be the Bill Buckner (all hail!) of France? I don’t know. Probably shouldn’t be. The whole thing really is decided a bit arbitrarily for my taste once it comes down to the shoot-out round. I’d rather they keep playing until someone scores a real goal. It’s kind of like deciding a 16 inning baseball game with a home run derby. It’s not really what the games about. Even I know enough about Soccer to know that. I’m sure the many great authors including Nick Hornsby who have written books about Soccer and its meaning and European context, would agree.

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Italy’s goaltender, Bufon, was the biggest factor in the tournament. [image:163:l] But goalies really have so little chance on those penalty kick things. It’s almost all guesswork. They’d know better, but it still seems to me like they’d be better off not diving with the kick. I know there’s so little reaction time, but unless the kicker puts it into a perfect corner it seems like there’s a better chance. And if he does that you’re probably not stopping it even if you guess right.

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But that’s as far as my analysis on a game I don’t watch much is going to go. Italy won and that’s the best thing next to Engalnd winning. Better actually because of my dad.

And the fact that I’m not English.

I’m half Irish actually. But if I was in Ireland I’d go over to England’s side and probably spy on the IRA for them. It’s not so much a political choice. I certainly don’t sympathize with much of what England has done in that war over the centuries. But English culture is so much funnier and more palatable to me. Monty Python or corrupt cops? Dickens or whiskey? Droll ironic humor or jigs? No contest for me. The Irish do have U2, but they’re no Beatles now are they? So I’d be rooting on Beckham and the lads against anyone but the Italians, even though the Italians were nasty bike riding cheaters in Breaking Away. And their actually embroiled in a national Soccer cheating scandal now. But it has nothing to do with the players on the World Cup teams roster.

And their Azure blue uniforms have always appealed to me over the years. It’s my color. Italians know how to pick a uniform.

They’re going crazy all over the peninsula and in many areas of the U.S. I’m happy they won. My father is happy they won. The Mets won on the same day and are in 1st place which is the closest I’ll come to experiencing winning a championship with any of my teams soon.

Though the Rangers made an interesting deal signing Brendan Shanahan to a 1 year deal today. I’d say they have the best shot of the Mets, Giants, Ranger trifecta. And that’s with the mets 12 or so up at the All Star break and beyond the half way point.

Home run derby tomorrow with David Wright praticipating. First time a Met has been in it I think. Hope it doesn’t ruin his swing and tire him out like it has some players. i don’t see him doing very well since he’s not that natural home run hitter type with the upper cut swing. Which is why trying to do that could hurt. Randolph even joked today that he’s not going to worry about it since Wright will be eliminated in the first round anyway.

But I’ll have fun watching it at work with a fellow Met fan tomorrow night. Not as much as watching Italy win today (or sort of tie with benefits depending on how you read it). Even got an e mail celebrating it from a cousin. Not from the Irish side needless to say. This stuff is big to my people. And my father is feeling peppy. Probably reliving his Soccer playing days. I remember him playing with friends when I was a kid. It’s kind of sad to think about then and now. I can certainly feel that change happening in me as well and its scary on all kinds of levels. But I guess one of the things sports does is offer transference and outlet. And maybe sometimes that’s all we can hope for in this world.

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Abortion And The Mets

[image:128:l] How rooting for the Mets can save a baby.

[image:130:l] The Mets are geting screwed. On Sunday a noted atrocity of an umpire named Angel Hernandez not only made a bad call at the plate but told Mets catcher Paul LoDuca before the game that his pitcher Jose Lima is not going to get as big a strike zone as the Braves John Smoltz. Now it’s always been an unspoken truth that umpires cheat. Their strike zones are not consistent and they favor some players over others. Some think there is nothing wrong with them doing it to a rookie. You know, make him pay his dues and learn the ropes while cagey veterans get the close calls.

Problem with this thinking is that it’s lying. And cheating. A strike is a strike.

So LoDuca called him out after the game and told the media Hernandez said what he did. He blew the whistle.

So what happens? Does an umpire many in the league have complained about for years due to his incompetence and unprofessionalism, including those Braves, get investigated by MLB? No. The Mets get fined. Speak out and you pay. In America it is the whistleblower who pays. That’s the American way and Baseball has always been a good bellweather and microcosm for our country.

On to tonight. I asked the question on a Mets board related to Sunday. I asked if people agreed with me that the fraternal order of umps would now get together to call everything close against the Mets for now on. And than against the 2nd place Phillies tonight we got a rash of horrid calls that included a clearly blown out call on Jose Reyes at 2nd base and numerous bad calls on balls and strikes in the late innings that probably cost the Mets the game in a squeaker. There were clearly 2 different strike zones tonight. A normal, even expanded one for the Phillies pitchers, and a tiny one for the Mets. The 48 year old respected veteran Julio Franco even got thrown out by the home plate ump from the on deck circle for complaining about what he was seeing on the field. In the clubhouse afer the game he was visibly upset and callled the umps out some more. This is a guy who should know and who does not overreact easily. He’s known as the ultimate class act who is usually a peace keeper rallying others to keep a clear head.

This was Revenge Of The Umpires.

And it may continue all year. The Mets are now only 3 up on the Phillies who are on a 9 game winning streak and will be in first place very soon. The Mets just aren’t that good, but now they also have to contend with the fraternity of mafioso, LAPD-like protecting of their own from the leagues cheating umpires as well.

What does this have to do with abortion?

Well first off Hernandez should have been born with a coat hanger sticking out of his head. . . I exaggerate for effect of course. Also the Mets season is being aborted by their once again not forming the proper nucleus and foundation, instead preferring to patch together unmatched parts and not prioritizing pitching. Theirs is an organizational plan that should have been aborted many years ago. It’s getting better. But it’s in a fetal stage and too many people are expecting mature results. Including the still sometimes dumbass Mets. But the Mets are still the good guys just like when they battle the evil emoire in a week or two. I speak of the Yankees of course. The oppressor’s team. The man.

And it is the multiple systems the Mets must now battle that threaten our very national existence.

Bear with me here people.

This casual exceptance of cheating with rationales like, “they have to pay their dues, the long timer deserves an advantage,” and the like, are part and parcel of the kind of corruption rampant in America. This stuff allows us to paint over reality however it fits us. It remakes the facts into something subjective and malleable.

Vague reality leads to our other national atrocities like Bush and the fundamentalist version of reality funneled through the corporate owned right wing media. In a country where we stand alone as the only developed nation not acknowledging global warming because of the rights manipulation of science, think tanks that alter facts to fit the policy, a government that does the same, and people suffering or letting others suffer due to the religion they happened to get brainwashed by at some point in their lives, there needs to be more people sticking up for truth and replacing the cozy warmth of subjective truth with the allegiance to the greater good based on an empirical grasp that helped build our foundation.

Jesus H people you get that guy calling Rumsfeld out at his press conference for being a liar and the media makes the accuser sound guilty of some lack of decorum despite evidence supporting his comments. Even Rumsfeld’s denials of lying and having said he knew where the WMD’s were is a probable lie. It’s on tape. Him on Meet The Press in 03 saying he knew exactly where they were and actually pinpointing those locations on live tv. But the media instead of focusing on these lies once again puts the victim-accuser-whistleblower on trial. And it is left to Jon Stewart to point it out and show the tapes, as it always is, because the lies are just too damn big and in our faces for anyone but a station that airs South Park to have the wherewithal to talk about. The real msm doesnt consider it their job to discuss unpleasant reality. Stuff like impeachment. America doesn’t have the stomach for it they say. Polls say otherwise. But it is they that do not have the stomach for it. And their reality becomes ours because they keep saying it and those that counter them are ignored or derided by the punk-ass bitches on FOX News and it’s sister conservaholic news outlets.

ABC News recently falsely reported the effects of the morning after or RU-486, keeping in lockstep with the religious undermining of reality that has pervaded our government and its scientific institutions. We already have a case where alot of evidence indicates the FDA has held off on approval due to political pressure that is of course due to the religious influence in this administration. At the same time these purveyors of official reality decry crime. Yet evidence indicates abortion prevents crime. And a recent research study indicates that America is tied for second and trailing only Latvia for the worst rate of infant mortality of all industrialized nations. CBS News. Why don’t the media and the religious hypocrites care about this?

Is it because these facts support tired liberal-left wing notions of how we need single payer health care, social safety nets, and more maternity leave for mothers, all of which is indicated to be at least partly to blame for our atrocious rate of killing our babies (And I would add environmental action since it’s my personal opinion our toxic environment is poisoning mothers and children)?

Of course health care and mercury emissions don’t spark the religious mind as easily as one note superficial issues like abortion. The in vitro baby offer solutions with easy black and white answers that offer attractive controls over people’s naughty parts if followed. But once those supposedly ensouled people get out into the world we see once again that they lose their political and emotional value and become as useless as facts have become in a country that sees them as being as pliable as their morality.

So what I’m saying is when you root for the Mets the rest of this season you are fighting the power and quite possibly doing your part to save babies and children.

You’re certainly doing more to do so than the Christian right ever has or ever will.

Cheney And The Mets And 24 Too

Dick Cheney threw out the first pitch at the Nationals home opener in D.C which just happened to be against my beloved Metsies. While avoiding hitting anyone in the face or later denying that he bounced the pitch to the catcher, Cheney did take part in a scary and yet to be reported on moment.

Cheney stayed to watch the game in a luxury box apparently evil-proofed to hold him, and at one point cameras cut to him bending from his chair to talk to a sweet looking little girl. Now I don’t know if this little sweety was a relative or another sacrifice just dropped off by a lobbyist for the pharmaceutical industry, but I found myself yelling out, “Run little girl! Run!” I wanted to help this girl. The camera cut away and suspiciously never went back to that fear box. I don’t know what became of her.

I like to think Mets wunderkind and poster boy for all taht is good about baseball and humanity David Wright went up to the box when the Mets were hitting and saved that little girl just in time to return to drive in another run that helped the Mets kick the asses of what is now the official team of evil in our time.

Scary shite folks.

I knew I liked Carlos Delgado for his political stances and integrity, and yet here’s another reason: When players were posing with Cheney before the game he made sure he was not in the area and didn’t have to play make believe with the baby killer. Here’s what Delgado said after the game, “I was doing my routine,” Delgado said with a smile. “I happened to be somewhere else. Go figure.”

Tomorrow we get Pedro vs Guillen in the continuation of beanball hostilities. I want Petey to take him out on the first pitch. Guillen is trying to intinidate Pedro through the press so he’ll be afraid to throw inside and get better pitches to hit. Don’t give in Pedro. And while you’re at it hit Cheney in the face if he’s near the ballpark. Then disappear for a day. That would be sweet.

I commented on this elsewhere but I thought it important to mention that Keifer Sutherland signed a 3 year extension for 24. Let me say first that I love this show. I think this 5th season has been splendid. Top 3 of the 5 they’ve done. Has a chance to get to 2 depending on how it finishes these last 7 hours. Sure it has its implausibilities but its all coherent within the CTUniverse they’ve created. Alot of what Jack does is a wink to the audience. Kiefer himself puts “damn its,” in because he knows its part of college drinking games. Once he put 3 in a row to really toast people. According to a Rolling Stones article I just read it sounds like Kiefer is a bit of a drunk and has some issues. Let’s hope he doesn’t get himself killed before 3 years and a movie happen. If he does we can blame Julia Roberts. She broke his heart when she pretty much left him at the altar all those years ago.

Anyway, what I want to say is that if we are indeed getting 3 more years just get the hell out of L.A. and please no more moles at CTU. Although technically there was no mole there this year. Chloe’s bedfellow was working as an internal affairs guy for the government. Still let’s change the mix a bit next year and get threats beyond the Sentox nerve gas, deadly virus, nuclear weapon stuff.

But when last nights show ended with Jack saying we have to take down the president of the united states i got all tingly. I slipped into a cotton candy lollipop world where fiction and reality met and Jack was going after Bush. I still can slip there when i think of him saying those words and feel gooey and warm inside. Mmm justice.

I hoped early in the season Jack would find a reason to kill Logan. Now he has it. Just call him George, or at least Dick, when and if you do it Jack. Do it for America you morally ambiguous son of a bitch!

Seems as if a Simpsons movie is official fo July 2007. Don’t know how they can make a great show greater for the big screen but Matt Groenig can do what he wants at this point. Fortunately it sounds like some of the shows A team people are involved like not only Groenig as a writer but James Brooks, Al Jean, and Brian Scully, who were all around for the best seasons. And directing it is David Silverman who directed Simps eps in the past as well as co-directing the great Monster’s Inc for Pixar.

On the negative future movie side Rambo 4 is going ahead with its plot to try and revive the career of Sylvester Stallone. Rocky 6 and now this. Why do I think that he’ll be on FOX “News,” plugging this dreck when it comes out?

By the by: Cheney was roundly booed before he even threw out that first pitch or ate that little girl. I love Baseball.

Me, Me, Me!

Well another work week is done. as I add up the holiday pay for working Xmas ( I do really prefer calling it that than invoking the C word which conjures up very silly comic book notions), and as I total the overtime hours worked, sum the social value of time spent with my coworkers as opposed to sitting alone in front of a computer typing posts, reading about the world, reading free stuff at barnes & noble, or working on fictional stuff, I wonder how far out of whack the balance sheet is. And more importantly I’m not sweating it because it’s time to do like Mr Plant said and Ramble On!

It’s 4:30 a.m. and I just spent an hour or two on a political post as I sit here listening to Green Day’s American Idiot thinking about how I’m not even trying to sleep despite not having had a decent nights sleep since wednesday night/Thursday morning (it’s monday/tuesday now), and yet I make no effort to stop reading, writing, or listening. I’d rather download the Beastie Boys than end the cycle of bad sleep habits. And I wonder if bad sleep habits and lack of nocturnal discipline could be a key symptom of a bigger problem. Am I too self indulgent despite all that I deny myself?

No need to ponder long kiddies. The answer is who cares!

I’m evolving and you cant stop me! Tossers!

This is a new thing with me now. Cursing in English. But Mark, or Dude you might even say, are not fuck and shit English words? Well sure, but I’m talking about England’s English. I’m getting back to our roots and will from now on be hurling alot of bloodies, and bollukses at the world. not that I’m a big curser. Generally I don’t use alot of profanity, almost never around kids or women, but I do like to let it out at times, feeling more comfortable doing it around no more than a handful of people. THere is still the time and place for a strategic f bomb, but even those few accustomed to hearing me let one fly now and again can start dealing with this harsh new reality that will probably cause many to call me pretentious more than they already do. And to them all I can say is bugger off you wankers!

Back to the original point of this incoherent rambling. I’ve been dead tired all weekend and now I can finally have 2 or 3 days to sleep peacefully and I’m getting stupid to the B Boys Open Letter To NYC (sweet ny tune full of great new yorker gets like 1010 Wins and Live At Five), and alternately wondering if I’m killing valuable braincells and hours of my life at work, if I should resume my After The Ennui story and where I might go with it now, how are the Mets going to get some pitching to make a real run, was the ending of American Psycho implying Patrick Bateman imagined much or all of what he did, If not how’d it all get cleared up, should I try this other idea as a screenplay or short story, why my vocabulary has diminished the past few years and what I can do to get it back, will this new info about the woman I’ve been crushing on make a difference, why are the Ramones so damn catchy, is Eli making any real progress and who the Giants are likely to lose to in the playoffs 2 weeks from now, how could I have eaten so many damn sweets the past few days, what should I do if the crazy one shows up again someday, I must smell not having showered since Sunday morning (this is not a common practice ladies), life on the road, houses in the area, this strange new growing calm and security regarding women, whether to go to school next semester or not, how I wish I could have a dog, can I grow spirit, how much evolving has been done and wiring changed in my brain and how much can realistically still be done with a 38 year old brains hard wiring, how I have patterns too, how Pedro isn’t going to hold up for another season, do i want to go see Saryana at mall or Rosendale if I go one of the next 2 nights, how something good is due and I have the power and sanctioning from something higher, how full of shit (excuse me, shite), that might be, how I can’t wait for 24 on the 15th, how guilty I should feel over that concerning how right wing the show often is if you really think about, how at least I’ve changed some patterns and understand them so have precedent, how I may just not sleep anymore and suffer the consequences and benefits, how I’m probably going to sleep so damn late tomorrow and have to jump right out of here and head for Kingston to errand and enjoy some civilization at B&N, the Rangers bubble seems to be bursting as inevitably it would in the face of tougher competition, will Dem’s go hard at Scalito, isn’t this White Phosphorous thing also impeachable, Giants defense just isn’t good enough and too battered now anyway and they may not even beat Oakland new years eve to get division crown, and should I stay and work until 9 saturday and volunteer to screw myself as I got screwed Xmas eve which is probably good, and what I need is a good football party/new years eve thing but know no Giants fans, how I miss Manhattan so bloody much, will Al Franken make a good Senator if he runs, Missouri, Rhode Island, Tennessee, Minnesota, Montana, and Ohio can all go Democrat in November if they start making some smart calls and then in the name of god impeach the fucker (f bomb warranted and entirely appropriate there and in most matters dealing with Bush administration, i need more exercise beyond the half hour on treadmill at work tonight (and I still didnt shower for the love of god), and how do i get this Br’er Rabbit thing off here, and do I get evolving spiritual points for my living arrangements, and how if i could teach the world to sing in perfect harmony I’d get a really awesome metal ballad thing going because metal ballads taught us how to cry and we could use a good cry right about now even though the musical era that best defines me and that I am most kindred with is early 90′s grunge era Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Alice in Chains, Soundgarden and such and how I dont think there’s been a solid musical movement since and will I live to see or hear another one especially considering I could be deaf oneday, and how she talks to rainbows, she talks to trees, she talks to angels, she don’t talk to me, don’t talk to me, what in the name of sweet dancing moses ever happened to Phoebe Cates, will I stay with arc in some capacity when Will heads to Mexico in June and I’ll miss the kid, I hope Jeff’s surgery goes well and he starts getting some satisfaction physically, is my dad sad alot, look out!-dodge that regret! serenity now! so many memorable lines and phrases from Seinfeld, tv show list needs to written, should watch or read High Fidelity again, did Mary Ellen ever see Say Anything and everyone should though I’m not sure everyone likes it as much and did anyone get me referencing it with my title post recently, and does anyone get me, I’m so advanced and operating on higher levels, and oh shite what an arse I am so just stop cause nobody knows better than me what a simpleminded jack off i can be even if ido have rare moments of brilliance not related to post titles, Phoebe Cates was so damn irresistably cute and sexy, bet the Mets are glad they listened to me and kept Wright, why dont they listen more, I think the H on my channel 120 stands for Hitler channel rather than History since most stuff on there goes back to him so much of the time, damn that Davinci Code trailer looked good Opie, I friggin forgot to tape Arrested Development tonight and hope it wasn’t on and I’m part of the problem not the solution with saving this show, will Radiohead make a good album ever again, Phoebe where are you! Barry was more than a man he was a Man-Illow and he was doing ok but not really well life going along as it should, its all very nice, but not very good.

October Hell 2005

Ok here we are again. Another October where us Mets fans get to watch Altanta getting ready for the playoffs. This is like 15 years in damn row. Most of those years they’ve owned us. One heartbreaking, back breaking, spirit crushing bad loss after another. And they don’t do anything in October. i’m not sure if that makes it better or worse. I guess it’s better, but the continued mindless tomahawk chopping their idiot fans are still doing after over a decade of playoff nothingness somehow adds to the ignominity of being perpetually inferior to these redneck slobs who can’t sell out playoff games. And guys with names like Chipper keep killing us. Bigots like John Rocker own us despite us knowing we’re better then him and that every one who rides the #7 has more class in their ethnic and homosexual pinkies than he does behind his entire sloped forehead. It doesn’t matter the cast of characters its just a baseball axiom. The Braves will beat us.

I know this is not my usual identity on this site. Here I’m mainly politically passionate and thoughtful movie-culture analysis guy. But if you want to know me you should know this: the Mets and me go way friggin back and our connection is as deep and dysfunctional as many families and relationships. It exists on the level of metaphor as well as the prosaic. Baseball itself is the subject of a library of literature as well as most of the best sports movies ever. It is so because it runs deep and those who know it and grew up with its measured cadences and arythmic perturbances know how it reflects life. We know how truly American this game once was even if America is now being characterized better by X Games and Arena Football.

I think only people on Mets boards like the one where i post and find the most knowledgeable fans anywhere at NYFans Only via Scout.com can truly understand the spirtual emtiness and colossal weight that I feel every October as the Braves prepare for yet another playoff appearance. It makes me want to hate the game. Give it up for good. It makes me feel like god is a lunatic or that the baseball part of my reality is being played out in one of Dante’s nine circles. I just want it to end. Every year I hope and see valid reasons and yet know they’ll be there. And they are. And it goes on and on and on and on…

06 will be no different. They’ll be there again. you know it, I know it, they know it, and the Mets know it. Some night after another brutal sweep at their horrid little stadium I can easily imagine Rod Sterling stepping out of the bullpen as the lights dim and doing a monologue for both sets of fans that kind of explains our collective pain that is simultaneously never ending and yet so dichotomous as we suffer their greatness in comparison to us and they in turn see how meaningless it is every October as they fall meekly.

And if they should somehow make it to the Series and upset this delicate Twilight Zone balance that keeps both our realities so precariously intact, well I don’t even want to think of the consequences. it’s just too much to even…no forget it, I shouldn’t have even… I mean, oh nothing I just love the Fall so much. So Tired.