What an existentially lousy and confidence shattering day.
First off I’ve always had this hang up about coincidences and how seriously to take them. Today had some and if i take them literally and they are telling me something it’s not good. First off I go to pick up our own beloved Brandonicus at his work place, which also happens to be my old workplace where I met past girlfriend. We’re headed over to a local cafe because he thinks I’ll dig this girl who works there. On our way down the stairs who is coming up the stairs of the house across the parking lot but the old girlfriend who lives next door. Her new live in boyfriend is of course with her as she has no identity without a nearby penis. This immediately puts me into about a 4 hour funk that’s only broken by another girl oriented coincidence at Hannaford grocery at about 7. More on that in a minute. Another coincidence happened a short time later.
But first let me admit to a couple of George Costanza moments.
First off it bothered me that her boyfriend wasn’t appreciably less attractive than me. I wanted him to be as ugly as her ex, or maybe still current, husband who is a monstrous troll of a redneck. Didn’t get a good look at him but he appeared to be more than presentable. This irks me. Very Costanza. But that’s not it.
It also annoys me that she looked better than she ever did when we were together. Part of this may be for that same tendency on display in that Seinfeld episode where George can’t wait to get out of the relationship, it might have been with Susan but I’m not sure, and how it pains him to walk the steps to her apartment and have this pressure on him. Then he is rid of her and he longs to be walking those stairs with her when he sees her and can’t believe how much more attractive she is and starts singing “Hey, if you happen to see the most beautiful girl in the world, wont you tell her…that I love her…HEY!” and so on while lounging sadly on Jerry’s couch. Then he gets her back and again just about drags himself up her stairs and feels trapped and wants out.
It’s human nature I guess. But for a moment I wanted up those steps instead of that guy. And she really did look good.
But hey I’m not stupid and I know its not so pretty a picture close up. Still I was funked for a few hours and could think of little else even as Brandonicus and I chatted at the Love Boat Cafe or whatver it was called. And coincidentally it looks as if she’ll be working across the street from where I live as I once worked at the aforementioned facility across from where she lives. More coincidence.
I mean what do I have to do to escape all this? What are they trying to tell me?
So we go over to the Love Shack Cafe to meet this girl who immediately reminds me of the girlfriend of a guy who’s good friends with the ex girlfriends brother. As I’m thinking this and feeling no spark or interest from her that friend of brother-boyfriend walks right by. He doesn’t live in that area anymore but there he goes. More coincidence.
So we head back to B dogs place with me still wearing my Tracyfunk. At this point don’t care that the Love Is A Many Splendored Thing Cafe girl goes nowhere. Wasn’t expecting anything and not in the mood after the wanton display of normalcy on those steps a little while earlier. I stay for a bit, watch some short films and flip through a screenplay book which keeps mentioning a character named Olivia in a screenplay format example. Strut and Olivia. Strut and Olivia. I keep reading this out loud while our erstwhile Brandonicus tries to ignore me. I realize it’s later than I thought and I want to get to Hannaford before the fish section closes at 7 and take off. I’m still funking, tried to drown my funk in pizza that I’ve been jonesing for but couldn’t find anyone interested, and I enter the store with all this weighing on my mind and looking for an escape.
I’ve mentioned a woman I was crushing on in posts and haiku’s on this site but I don’t think I’ve mentioned her name. Well it’s Olivia as in Strut and Olivia. And I walk into the fruit area of Hannaford and there she is. A cute little girl that is apparently her daughter is with her.
I’ve never seen her outside of her workplace except for a job related party back in the Fall. I’d hoped I would eventually. And now of all times there she is. She’s on one side of a fruit stand and I’m on the other with banners announcing prices per pound strung up between up so that I kind of had to peer around to get each other in line of sight while we said hi at each other. Eventually I come around this side, make a half assed comment about Bosc pears and I get the feeling she can’t wait to get away from me. She moves away, doesn’t introduce me to her daughter, and just generally seems less than excited to see me.
So she smiles politely, makes a half-assed laugh at my Bosc pear comment and disappears out of the fruit and produce area in a surreptitious but committed fashion like she’s trying to get out of a wake for someone she wasn’t all that close to but came to say her goodbyes to out of propriety.
Thing is she also gave off this air of loneliness and sadness, and here was someone she knows and has expressed at least professional fondness for, and she can’t wait to get away from me.
Terrific I scream to myself! Tracyfunk now all gone!
Hello to much more general and all encompassing pathetic and undesirable, the window of opportunity on you has closed funk. Much Better!
Now I’ve heard Olivia is a bit introverted, maybe even more than a bit depending on how i take it, but am I being too hard on myself for thinking her hasty retreat and lack of warmth indicate pure and unadulterated disgust or fear? Did she think it too coincidental and wonder if I was stalking her? I think she knows I may have a thing for her and I know my name has been coming up around her too much lately due to a couple of friends dropping it. But damn I’m funny and charming around her most of the time. Well at least funny and personable anyway. So what’s up with the running for the exits and snubbing me on the daughter intro?
After all this goes down I get an image of us in a movie. I see that scene at Hannaford from above as it’s being filmed by a director doing a study on loneliness and repression. I could see these two people seperated by those banners with prices which were a metaphor for the walls of shyness, hurt, fear, or whatever that alot of people put up. Two people alone in a supermarket as perhaps they are in life, and they can’t get through the banners and stands of fruit.
In the movie it would still come crashing together. The walls would crumble. Maybe just a crack at first. But a light would shine through. The coincidences would be real and meaningful if only in a deux ex machina or directors poetic device kind of way.
But this isn’t a movie and maybe coincidence is just a cigar and her unavailability and disinterest is exactly what it appears to be. Certainly there was no light shining through the cracks seperating the condiment and breakfast items aisles before we left the store as would have happened if we were writ in celluloid.
So I’m feeling funky. At least it’s no longer concentrated Tracyfunk which is good though it looks like I’ll be running into her more with her across the street and it being spring time. This still irks me as it did earlier in this post. That has not changed. I get a series of women related coincidences with an overriding message that I’m universally despised by the species. Or maybe just overlooked. Whatever. Coincidences are now on notice.
Don’t make me beat you.
This may be my favorite fucking post by you… and it sucks that it’s filled with things I don’t wish for you to experience.
I made a prediction today, that you would be in a serious relationship before the year is out (year being by the end of next March).
I stand by that fucking prediction.
Just think to yourself… out loud “I am not here to cause any trouble.” Then cause some. This has worked for me the past week.
I’m rambling, and I am not here to cause any fucking trouble.
Honestly…
I think you need a Chevy Chase as Ty Webb kind of character hitting golf balls and going, “nanananananananana.” Telling you to be the ball so many times, him saying it is a distraction. Who am i kinding, it’s me.
Ignoring you? Funk is contagious, i had to avoid it. And it did not work if you must know. Your tuesday funk turned into my thursday funk with a vengance. With out the aforementioned metiphore. Just fucking funk.
Funny how every piece of your montage of funk is somehow relatable to me. Is that a coincidence? I think not. Ask your self if the coincidences caused the funk or if the funk allowed the coincidence to mean more than face value. Either way i think the sign here is going out of buisness. It is a sign that you are too interconected to a certain ex-girlfriend(i am horrified you still see her as attractive, hook nose, fold ear is beneath you) and you must separate from it.
Mentaly, emotionaly, physicaly if need be. Could it be that her maybe working next door to you is a sign to get away? Your over confidence in coincidence is creating your funk, and it has seaped out into your life. Since Tracy when was the last time you went for broke, and asked a girl on a date? They will not always come to you. It is like not hamering a single nail, and getting pissed when the house doesn’t get built.
My mother would say shit or get off the pot. And piss on you for saying i ignored you.
In response to Brandonicus and then Bob:
Brandonicus wrote: “Ask your self if the coincidences caused the funk or if the funk allowed the coincidence to mean more than face value.”
This is very wise oh great one. And probably true.
As far as the interconnectedness to the chemical queen goes, I think it’s more of a case of just not liking to be reminded and to see the she-beast. It’s not like I’ve been pining. i’m really not interested in being around it. It just seems I can’t escape. Usually you can break up and never see that person again, much less see them with other people while you’re alone. Certainly in city areas. It just doesn’t go away around here. And by it I mean the creature in a de-personified way. I do this to keep it at the subhuhman level. Or at least in the less personal-pronoun level.
And this is perhaps why exposure to the drama-seed bothers me. It is a flesh and blood reminder that said lady of lies exists beyond the realm of the written word or vague memory that exists in that state of indistinct blurriness it shares in common with movies I’ve seen or books I’ve read. When Tyranosaurus Sex appears in the flesh like that it is a cruel reminder of the freakish and anachronistic creatures reality, which is an afront to my sense of reality and well being. And like I said, there’s that whole Costanza thing I think most people go through. I do know better though. Unless I get really desperate.
As for you being somehow related to all these coincidences, I hadn’t thought of that, but indeed maybe it’s time you stopped and asked yourself some hard questions about yourself.
Kidding of course, but I do need to hear the end of your tales of thursday funk. Sorry I had to cut out abruptly before but we had a man down at work and the manager pulling into the driveway. Get back to me and finish the tale of woe, which actually sounded pretty cool to me based on what I’d heard to that point.
Angry Bob said: “Just think to yourself… out loud “I am not here to cause any trouble.” Then cause some. This has worked for me the past week.”
I like that. I’d like to know how its worked for you in the past week though? I’d also like to know if you’ve ever predicted anything right before?I mean what are me percentages?
That tale seems to get better and better, and a small bit, for me.
And Bob, do me, do me, me, me, me. Do some predictions for me. It could make for an interesting thread. (never knew how hard it was to type me so many times.)
ANGRY BOB HAS PREDICTED THAT MARC WILL BE WELL ON HISS WAY TO MARRIAGE BY MARCH OF NEXT YEAR EVEN IF THAT WERE TO HAPPEN WITCH I DOUBT HE WOULDNT SHOW FOR THE WEDDING BECAUSE THE LIMO DRIVER HAD AN ATTITUDE.
WHILE I THINK IT WAS RUDE FOR THE GIRL TO LEAVE WITHOUT THE KID INTRO AND SO ON MAYBE THE KID HAS A BIG MOUTH AND SHE HAS A ASSHOLE EX
OR YA KNOW SOME WOMEN ARENT LOOKING FOR A BABIES DADDY AND SHELTER THIER KIDS I TRIED THIS FOR QUITE A WHILE BUT FOUND IT TO BE TIRING NONE THE LES STOP BITCHING AND TAKE THE LEAP AND FOR GODS SAKE STOP EATING SO MUCH SALMON DONT TELL JOKES THAT YOUI WOOULDNT LAUGH AT JUST TO FILL AIR AND GET A HAIR CUT
GANTOR HAS SPOKEN
PS NICE TO SEE THIS SIDE OF YOU IN YOUR WRITINGS
You can find any belt buckles here!!! Belt Buckles,Western Belt Buckles,Custom Buckles
THat’s so weird that someone used this of all threads to leave spam. since tonight I ran into the same woman and her daughter at HAnnaford again, for the first time since the night in MArch this thread talks about. And I also just received pics of the kid I worked with through the agency I know her from and the dept she ran.
I dont know if she saw me but afterwards I was thinking of this thread and trying to remember when it was and recalling the sadness and lonelilness I thought I saw and I thought I saw it tonight despite her since that that March night making it clear she had no interest in me.
So another coincidence of absolute meaninglessness.
There are no coincidences… there is no absolute… there is no meaninglessness…
Or something.
no
if there is an absolute, then there can not be coincidence.
if there is an absolute, then there can not be meaninglessness.
i am intarwub buddha
the truth will set you free
or it will set your house on fire.
Absolutely not.
i am cyber-mohammed
absolute is only coincidental if there is no meaninglessness
i can not be stopped
i am jihad…ish